


Jump

by Simply_Marvelous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Patton is sad, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, poor Patton, sad dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simply_Marvelous/pseuds/Simply_Marvelous
Summary: (Originally posted to tumblr here: https://demonickittykat.tumblr.com/post/175217108646/jump )





	Jump

      "I hate you! I hate you so much! You always do this--why can't you just leave me alone for once? Stop making me feel like this!"

     The words struck him like a knife, leaving him reeling with hurt. He can't help it, it’s his _job_. But if that job hurts Thomas, is it really helpful? Is it _necessary_? He didn't _want_ to hurt Thomas, but he had to do his job....right?

     "I'm sorry," he said, eyes starting to fill with tears, "I swear I'm not trying to hurt you! I'm trying to help!" 

     "Well maybe you should try harder," Thomas yelled, shaking, "or you know what? Maybe you should just _stop_. Stop trying! You're not helping, just _stop_!"

     He flinched, letting the tears fall down his face. "I am trying, I try all the time, but it’s just so hard." He let out a sigh, looking toward the ground, "Maybe you're right. I'll just go." Before Thomas had the chance to respond, he sunk out without another word. He didn't see the regret flash in Thomas' eyes.

 

     Back in his room, he sat down on his bed. He let out a sob, putting his head in his hands. Darkness started to creep in from the corners of his room. Why does he always mess up? Why can't he just-

_You're stupid and useless._

_All you do is screw up._

_Why even bother?_

_No one would care if you were gone._

_Why don't you just kill yourself?_

     That thought made him freeze, blood running cold. Why was he thinking like that? Those weren't his thoughts, but he couldn't help but think, what if they're right? What if Thomas would be better without him? It's not like he mattered, anyway. He was just a useless bother, an unneeded annoyance. Something that needed to be gotten rid of. 

     He clenched his fist, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. His thoughts were spiraling out of control, dragging him into a pit of self-loathing that he didn't know how to escape. Did he even _deserve_ to escape? Of course not. Why should he be allowed to rid himself of his pain when all he seemed to do was cause others pain?

      _You don't deserve to live._

     He mutely registered a sharp pain in his hand. He looked down to see crescent-shaped marks on his palms, slowly leaking blood. He knew he deserved it, for all the pain he was causing Thomas. 

      _You can't cause Thomas any pain if you're dead._

     A small part of him knew that he shouldn't listen to these thoughts, that they were wrong, but the rest of him ignored it. His thoughts slowly started dying out until only one was left. 

     If he didn't deserve to live, maybe he shouldn't. 

     He slowly got up, moving his chair to the center of the room and walking to the closet. Sifting through the contents of his cluttered closet, he eventually found what he was looking for.

     Making his way back to the chair and attaching the noose to the ceiling, he thought about the other sides. Would they miss him? 

_Of course they won’t miss you. They don't care about you; they barely even listen to you._

     He knew the thought was right, but even if they didn't care about him, he still loved them. He paused for a moment, before grabbing some paper and writing five simple words. 

     "I love you. I'm sorry."

     Setting the paper on the floor where they would see it, he looked up at the noose. Did he really want to do this?

    _It'll only take a minute, and then you'll never bother anyone ever again. It's the right thing to do._

     With a new morbid determination, he slowly climbed onto the chair. Grabbing the noose and slipping it around his neck, he took a final look at his room. He wondered how long it would take for the others to find him, if they even cared enough to look. 

     Tears slipping down his face, he closed his eyes, and with one last shuddering breath-

     Patton jumped.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was supposed to be made in a way that makes the reader think that patton is someone else, but the tags made that difficult, so it probably didnt work here :/  
> Please don't judge to harshly, as this is my first fic on this website, but feedback would be very much appreciated! :)


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